Grape Salsa

I served this Friday night at the Eastern Shore Art Center, and it seems many people had never heard of Grape Salsa. At first some people were confused. One sweet woman in a flowing turquoise tunic brought me the table card I’d written that said, “Grape Salsa”, and wanted to know if it really said “Grape Salsa.” Yes, ma’am.

We had a few skeptics. Grape Salsa? Who the heck ever heard of such a thing?!? One guy hunted me down to apologize for being a doubter, which he indeed had been–loudly and within my earshot. He excitedly confessed that he tried it, loved it, had eaten a bunch of it, and possibly hadn’t left a whole lot. (That was okay. I had more in the kitchen.)

But the biggest group by far were the people who wanted the recipe. Now there’s something I can work with!

I’ve made this particular Grape Salsa for a number of years. It’s my own recipe, cobbled together from many others. Now it’s yours, too, and you can change it up to suit your tastes if you like. This one has cut-up grapes, a fresh jalapeno, seeded and cut into matchstick dice, a few sliced scallions, a handful of chopped cilantro, and either lime juice or vinegar. That’s it.

Also, the method itself is fluid. If you’re making Grape Salsa for three hundred people plus a blog post, by all means pulse the grapes a couple of times in the food processor, otherwise you’ll be cutting up grapes for the rest of your life. If you’re making a quick batch because you have guests coming by at wine o’clock, you can quarter the grapes pretty quickly with a paring knife. Actually the salsa is prettier with quartered grapes, but then not as much Grape Salsa will fit on a chip. Everything in life is a trade-off of some sort, isn’t it?

I served this Friday on a bed of creamy yogurt cheese. I just smeared yogurt cheese on a platter and added a layer of Grape Salsa on top. That’s not necessary, but it does make it especially easy to scoop for a stand-up party. You could also use cream cheese, goat cheese, or simply put the Grape Salsa in a bowl. If you’re anti-cilantro, feel free to substitute parsley or just skip it altogether. I used lime juice and a little white balsamic vinegar Friday night, but I’ve used red wine vinegar or white wine vinegar plenty of times, both with the lime juice and without. And actually, if I’m using a lime I go ahead and zest it into the salsa first. You don’t have to do that, but it crushes my soul to throw away citrus zest. If you’d prefer to use diced purple onion instead of scallions, that’s entirely up to you. Red grapes, purple grapes, green grapes? Any are fine, as is a combination.

Chips are required, of course. I serve it with either tortilla chips or Fritos Scoops.

And guess what? Grape Salsa totally legit counts as a salad.

The livin’ is easy!